Feminine in Masculine & Vice Versa

   

As a male, in my childhood I have always heard of my elders saying me- Why are you crying a girl ? See how he's shying like a girl...! Mulin sarkha nata-fata karto (doing makeup like a girl) and many other things that followed onn and still follows with all the men in Indian society. Then I was immature enough to take these words seriously but as I grew up I ended up questioning myself- Was it all really meant for girls ?

      

        There were American sociologists (someone who studies society) viz. Talcott Parsons and Robert Freed Bales. According to them males and females exhibit different traits/qualities in society. They coined the terms "instrumental" for the qualities related to males and "expressive" for females. Accordingly in simple terms males show masculine characteristics and females show feminine characteristics. The masculine qualities society attaches to males are - physical strength, emotional toughness, dominance (including sexual), courage, self-reliance, risk taking, protector, toughness and aggression, power, winning, heroism and honour. Whereas those attached to females are - caring, sensitive, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding, warmth, passivity, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness.

        These are the moulds and individuals are fitted in this set of characteristics.The ones who breach this framework are termed and treated differently by society. For example- a women who is emotionally strong, courageous, dominant in bahaviour and self reliant is criticized as being a 'male-type'. This is because the society wants to maintains its status-quo (existing state) by ensuring that none of its norms are breached. Similar is the case with males.Males are not allowed to cry as it shows their emotional vulnerability, their soft voice is made a laugh at, they are never cute but handsome, and a lot.

        But as a male I have always had thought of that - Why men should always be 100% men ? Can't a male be caring personality, caring for his mother,his younger siblings,his pets...This is in a context where theres a generational trend of being a "Sigma male"- a radically dominant, aggressive, angry, attitude-type male (as perceived by majority). The youtube is filled with videos on tips for being a sigma male. Offcourse its good to be confident, self reliant and resilient but losing oneself in these winds is not the show of strength. Rather I feel every men should have some feminine qualities in them. They should be understanding towards their female friends & colleagues ; be caring, as their children and parents starve for that ; be sensitive as they could be able to understand feelings of people around them(men & women both) ; be loving, making this world a better place to survive, they should express their emotions and views to make themselves feel alive and light. Here"s what I argue - There should always be some femininity in Males.

        Similar is the case with females.They are already the sufferers and victims of Patriarchy. But they should be bold enough to raise their voices against injustice, be emotionally tough at times, strive for self-reliance, risk taking as this makes their survival easy in the society. In this wake, they should maintain their self - the "feminine touch" the world badly needs in present crisis situation society is facing. Having masculine qualities in females is not at all a bad idea.

        My message is simple. God has created men and women equally with a few organs different. Perhaps it is the humans and their 'constructed gender stereotypes' that have restricted our behaviour and thoughts. The society shapes our beliefs and we shape accordingly. But we as humans should understand what we need. We are society and not the other way round. Hence there can be feminine in masculine and there can be masculine in feminine. It is not through competition and domination but collaboration and equity the mankind can proceed forward peacefully.


-Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji

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Just Indian Things

 While Im writing this blog Im travelling in a bus.Not just a normal bus but something people lovingly call as "Laalpari"(The Red Queen).Its around 1pm...

     All I can see is 'People Pushing & Pulling' eachother to grab seats.I could see people entering bus through windows #JustIndianThings.So just grabbed a seat,which itself was a great achievement.Cant find anything more to feel proud of myself.Found a strange man who held two seats.He said - "Just called my friend he is coming". I waited for his so called friend to come.And I asked  -"Ok.Let us sit for some time.We will getup after your friend comes".And his friend never came.I let a 3rd person standing share our seat.The strange man was annoyed but with a smile I said - "Bhaiya,He bharat ahe na.Itka tr karuch shakto"(Brother,This is India na.We can anyway do this much).
     I got my ticket.And an another strange thing.I could pay conductor through UPI.I am really happy.Indian is really changing at grassroots on some lines.There are some cute little children around me.When I look at them they hide in the saree of their mother(#JustKidThings).Even Im not ashamed of teasing them(#JustPrasadThings).I open my eyes wide open,twinkling my eyelashes,do the dance of my eye brows,they hide and then watch again.The Jugalbandi(Entwined twins) continues.The bus is packed housefull.People are sharing their seats.Everybody lets their back break but choose to be Indians."Hmmm,So being 'Cooperative' with the fellow citizens is the Indian-ness" I realised.Ok now I have reached my destination -The district place.I need to catch an auto and then my train back to Pune.Lets see whats next.

     While getting down the bus I just asked one person are you going to railway station as well.He said "Yes.Are you also ?" I said "Yes".He says -"Ok then lets go together by sharing auto" Then as we got down.An auto was already waiting for us.A family was seated inside already.I asked the driver wheres the place to sit.He said "Sit in front beside me".He readjusted his skeleton.We both adjusted seat and sat.I know this is not legal & safe but but but...Not really amazed with this...just an another #TypicalIndianthing.
     The train was waiting at the station.I got onto my booked seat.Adjusted myself.Got headphones onn and started watching movie.The whole seat was mine.Perhaps I didnt hesitate when others were sitting on it.I found it ok.By the way our section was booked for 8 people.But I see around 22 people here(I literally counted)(I cant hold my laughter while writing this).As it goes dark all I can see is No battles but people are in their real colours now.Just had election day today.And they started speculating the seats,politics & parties in their places.As happens in every train journey #JustIndianThings.I am keenly listening them.As I always listen everyone #JustPrasadThings.Everyone has become friends now.Sharing their names,professions and contacts.I dont know if they will even call back anytime but all I see is the love for each other.My mind is running to a few conclusions.
     

     I feel like repeating what I said earlier. 'Everybody lets their back break but choose to be Indians'.Being Cooperative,Adaptive,Kind,Tolerant,Trusted and Loving towards the fellow citizens is what I realised 'The Indian-ness' is.The reason why we could adopt foreign cultures invading us.It is true what the world calls us 'Unity in diversiy' and what Philosopher Saint Dnyaneshwar writes in his 'Dnyanshwari' 700 years ago - "He vishwachi maze ghar"...i.e this entire world is my home.I feel lucky to be born in this soil.I feel fulfilled.I really feel an 'Indian'.So have you realised your 'Indianness' ? Do write me back.I will be coming for you with some new stories and some new insights.Till then Stay Blessed Stay Indian.Happy Reading !
     

-Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji

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Ratan Tata - The Titan of India

As a young kid I always wished to meet Ratan Tata sir but unfortunately I couldn't be old enough to get it fulfilled.Not all wishes in life gets completed.Many a times your bucketlist remains unfilled.But I wish I could breath my last breath as he did-'Leaving a great legacy behind!.'

     Once Ratan sir was on his way to Bengaluru airport following a business meeting.In the seldom crazy traffic of Bengaluru he observes- "A man was carrying his family on scooter- wife in back seat holding his children in lap,none wearing a helmet for safety.Suddenly his scooty comes in front of our car & lost control and spill over on the street.Fortunately no one was hurt.But we could have ran over the whole family;we were just behind them." Ratan Tata remembers in an interview. "I had seen vulnerable scooter riders in traffics but this was the first instance that scared me the most." Ratan sir started thinking about what he can do to make driving more safer for Indian families ? And then he came up with an ideas of "Tata Nano".He announced a car for the people in just 1 Lakh Rs(Lakhtakia car).The whole industry and even his own company was critical of his decision.The decision made headlines round world.

     He initially faced political backlashes for the setting up of Tata Nano factory at Sangrur,West Bengal and had to move the factory site to Sanand,Gujrat.The Tata Nano was launched in 2009.But was stigmatised by society.It was labelled as 'Poor man's car'.This led middle class families to sway away from buying the car.Tata's nano as a product for people though have failed but the vision with which it was brought succeded.Later many other automotive companies declared designing low cost cars that Indian families could afford.His passion for doing good for the Indians was a never ending pursuit of his life.

     There are many incidences where Ratan Tata proved his humility.Making Tata one of the biggest business enterprises in the world to taking aspirations of Indian poor class to skies and completing them.Ratan Tata is also one of the largest philanthropists in the world, having donated around 60-65 percent of his income to charity.

     Here I realised whether money makes a person rich or his humility ? The answer to the question is 'Mr.Ratan Tata'.One says rightly when he says- 'Our existence on Earth depends upon what we leave behind'.Ratan sir is leaving a huge glory behind and many of his missions incompleted.A man who till his last breath tried to bring smiles on the faces of people.Great people doesnt live alone but they live along with dreams & aspirations of millions of people.The Real heroes are those who always strives to make Earth a better place to live,who wipes the tears of people,who give wings to the people.I bow to the man who lived a fulfilled life.Ratan sir we miss you a lot !

               By- Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji

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The New Stage of Life !

The one thing I realised this diwali.That as a youngster,as we grow older,We are no longer reluctant to work.We dont feel ashamed to do household chores,help our parents,go on to buy things for home stuff.We understand how hard our mother works at home and how father has to struggle out.This realisation makes us render them help.When we are young(in children stage) we feel annoyed when we were asked by our parents to do something.We refused to do it.We got bored with that work.We found ways to avoid them and find some way to escape out.It is something called as 'child tantrums'.It remains in us till the adolescent age.

     

     What I feel is that,probably we are entering a new phase of our life.Something that is called in our culture as - Grihast^ashram. Gṛhastha (Sanskrit: गृहस्थ) literally means "being in and occupied with home, family" or "householder".It refers to the second phase of an individual's life in a four age-based stages of the Hindu asrama system.Viz.Brahmacharya (student), Gṛhastha (householder), Vanaprastha (forest walker/forest dweller), and Sannyasa (renunciate).

It is next stage of celibacy (bachelor student) life stage.It includes a married life, with the duties of maintaining a home, raising a family, educating one's children, and leading a family-centred and a dharmic social life.(Source-Āśrama Upanishad, the Vaikhanasa Dharmasutra and the later Dharmashastra,Google)

     Well this is a transition from a less responsible,less accountable,dependent being to a mature,experienced and more bold being.This is how our society socializes us to carry its norms further and maintain social harmony and solidarity.These rules of society are obscure and we behave and walk with the flow.We learn to make adjustments and are more understanding.Well we are matured now.

     We dont feel embarrassed of talking about taboos,love life,marriage,sexuality,family planning,mental pressures,matured political views and much more.We also share our emotions with our loved ones.Conscisely speaking,we are out of that adolescence now,which earlier restricted us to do so.

     We become calm and peaceful,not desperate,frantic,or irrational.Neither we get easily offended by anyone.We are ready to accept the views of others and keep our own views firmly.The best thing I personally have observed is,we are no longer fearful of being alone.We enjoy our solitude.We talk to ourself and are able to solve half of our problems there.

     Talking about a scenario we all may have experienced.There was a time when we enjoyed eating chocolates & wafers.We were so desperate about it that sometimes we not even shared it with our siblings.But now,whenever our young brother/sister or nephew/niece comes to us and asks to have her wafers or chocolate with her eyes sparkling with joy.We smile at her and say- "No,you have it !" she nods obediently and we keep smiling at her.At that time we understand,why our parents did the same when we were kids.And we can feel we have really grown up.We enjoy the happiness of others.We want people around us to be happy and smiling.

     Well this is all in scientific terms about Mental and Emotional maturity.A transition phase of our life,which is getting us ready to fight the battles of life; we have all heard till now from our elders.It takes time to realise it in actual terms.But till then,"Smile please !"  You are under surveillance of life.All the very best.

-Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji

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The Last Lecture !

There is a day when you realise that you are 'nothing' in front of the person you are sitting and you feel 'humble' in realising this.They are speaking and sharing their life lessons and you are completely flooded with their vast life experiences.Your whole ego bites the dust and your fire to be as good as them starts to ignite.It is a day of 'Enlightenment'. It is the day where you can set the standards for your life.You realise the true meaning of life.You come to know that-Life is not only about winning and winning but enjoying the journey and winning the moments.

Just as we well all have 'that' day in our life,its was the retirement day for my college professor,who taught us Mathematics at college.A lecture was arranged for him,where he was going to teach 'The Pythagoras Theorem' but this time not for exams or knowledge, rather for fun and for the last time.Lately I was away from the subject of Mathematics.The whole link was disturbed and I was not sure if I were to understand anything out of it.I entered the class,he too had just entered.I saw the smiling faces of my friends(we all the past students). It was a happy moment,for we were to attend a lecture together,literally after a gap of 3 years and probably for the last time.Hence I title this article -"The Last Lecture".My experience may be specific but what I learnt has a value worth to be shared.

The lecture started with funny questions and some funny incidents in the class.The whole class bursted in laughter.That day when he taught in his 'Last Lecture'.I realised my love for Mathematics still intact,for I was enjoying every word he spelt.He told few incidents from his classes over past many years and we all enjoyed the lecture.The best thing he said and it hit my heart,he said -"The one thing I am going the miss my whole life is those classes,going among the students and teaching."The reason why teaching is selfless profession.Later we moved to the next sessions of programme.

Many past students visited that programme.They were from the Batch of year 1993 to 2023 of 'SP College,Pune,Departement of Mathematics' where I studied.I wondered what a wonderful professor he might be for some students even visited from foreign countries.It was the speech session now and my name was announced and I got up hurriedly to speak as it was an unexpected call.I got a good response from the audience for my words.I would like to share something I couldn't express in my speech,the lessons that I learnt and I would like to hold my whole life.

The one thing I remember the most about sir was something like this.Any question that came to be solved or asked as a doubt.He said -''Are hi tr Balwadi chi ganita ahet,yaila pahij tumhala (in marathi) [These are just the sums of nursery,not a big deal,you should be able to solve this]. His this approach has taught me a lot in my life.It says, 'Every problem in life is as small as the problems which looked dificult to us as in our childhood'. I remember how difficult it was to learn table of 13,which I still don't remember.What he has taught us it that,An optimistic approach towards any problem of your life makes it even easy to deal with it. Running away from the problem is not the solution. You should face that problem and win over it.Just as Dr.Kalam sir quotes- 'The problem should not be the master.Take charge and become the master of the problem.' The first and most important  thing to do is 'Acceptance'. Then breaking that problem into smaller pieces and solving it.If you are stuck; Just take a pause and start again.

I remember he (professor) used to teach us the subject Lebegue Integral (a subject in Mathematics) in third year of my graduation.In initial days,whatever he taught was out of my box.Every thing he taught was a 'Bouncer' (a term used in cricket for the balls bowled at a height above shoulder or head,usually unplayable) for me.I used to complain myself about how bad he teaches.When I called my friends,I moved to tears complaining what kind of 'lebegue' (Read-^le-beg) is this. But As I practiced much more myself,got obsessed with that subject and got all my basics cleard.It turned the game for me.His every lecture now turned a cakewalk and reaped fun .And the I thought, I was a fool to blame others.Then in a class sir said 'He tr chauthi chi ganita ahet [These are just sums of 4th class]. And I realised that really these are the sums of 4th class. The most beautiful thing I learnt here from him that;Life is full of bouncers.Its every problem,worse situation,every evil happening,every lower phase of your life. Not all bouncers are to be left.But you have to increase your height,your stature,your standards,your efforts and practice to face those bouncers,those problems.This is how you attain success and tranquility of your life.And you gain the ecstacy of an enlightened life.

I feel humbled writing the first blog of my life.Blessed with all your warm friendship and with gods grace the art of unloading my emotions and experiences on paper.I hope to keep writing and sharing my thoughts.Thanking for all your support!

-Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji

Your feedback is utmost important for me to improve my writing and give you better content-

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