As a male, in my childhood I have always heard of my elders saying me- Why are you crying a girl ? See how he's shying like a girl...! Mulin sarkha nata-fata karto (doing makeup like a girl) and many other things that followed onn and still follows with all the men in Indian society. Then I was immature enough to take these words seriously but as I grew up I ended up questioning myself- Was it all really meant for girls ?
There were American sociologists (someone who studies society) viz. Talcott Parsons and Robert Freed Bales. According to them males and females exhibit different traits/qualities in society. They coined the terms "instrumental" for the qualities related to males and "expressive" for females. Accordingly in simple terms males show masculine characteristics and females show feminine characteristics. The masculine qualities society attaches to males are - physical strength, emotional toughness, dominance (including sexual), courage, self-reliance, risk taking, protector, toughness and aggression, power, winning, heroism and honour. Whereas those attached to females are - caring, sensitive, sweetness, supportiveness, gentleness, being emotional, kind, helpful, devoted, and understanding, warmth, passivity, expressiveness, modesty, humility, empathy, affection, tenderness.
These are the moulds and individuals are fitted in this set of characteristics.The ones who breach this framework are termed and treated differently by society. For example- a women who is emotionally strong, courageous, dominant in bahaviour and self reliant is criticized as being a 'male-type'. This is because the society wants to maintains its status-quo (existing state) by ensuring that none of its norms are breached. Similar is the case with males.Males are not allowed to cry as it shows their emotional vulnerability, their soft voice is made a laugh at, they are never cute but handsome, and a lot.
But as a male I have always had thought of that - Why men should always be 100% men ? Can't a male be caring personality, caring for his mother,his younger siblings,his pets...This is in a context where theres a generational trend of being a "Sigma male"- a radically dominant, aggressive, angry, attitude-type male (as perceived by majority). The youtube is filled with videos on tips for being a sigma male. Offcourse its good to be confident, self reliant and resilient but losing oneself in these winds is not the show of strength. Rather I feel every men should have some feminine qualities in them. They should be understanding towards their female friends & colleagues ; be caring, as their children and parents starve for that ; be sensitive as they could be able to understand feelings of people around them(men & women both) ; be loving, making this world a better place to survive, they should express their emotions and views to make themselves feel alive and light. Here"s what I argue - There should always be some femininity in Males.
Similar is the case with females.They are already the sufferers and victims of Patriarchy. But they should be bold enough to raise their voices against injustice, be emotionally tough at times, strive for self-reliance, risk taking as this makes their survival easy in the society. In this wake, they should maintain their self - the "feminine touch" the world badly needs in present crisis situation society is facing. Having masculine qualities in females is not at all a bad idea.
My message is simple. God has created men and women equally with a few organs different. Perhaps it is the humans and their 'constructed gender stereotypes' that have restricted our behaviour and thoughts. The society shapes our beliefs and we shape accordingly. But we as humans should understand what we need. We are society and not the other way round. Hence there can be feminine in masculine and there can be masculine in feminine. It is not through competition and domination but collaboration and equity the mankind can proceed forward peacefully.
-Prasad Saroja Dattatraya Kaloji
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